First tattoo. Left thigh. I’m in love with it.
I have the same thing.. she knows.. dear god. she knows…
one of my favourite movies.
Alright, its been a few months.
So, lets start where we left off. Tried to be friends with the girl at one point meant everything to me… didn’t work out. SEX SEX SEX. Sad actually, when we first started off that never really was a problem. I could not bear being part of a lie, even though I hate him, why make someone feel the same way I did at one point. Somewhere behind all the lies and misconceptions I still love my old friend very much, as they say though “Love them enough to let go” knowing all too well the way I let go she will never come back. Though that reality of her not returning hurts me, it’s for the best and that the last time I will ever write about her. Ok now lets get down to brass tax, These past few months have been a blur. I cannot lie and say that it was all bad, there were days when I felt like king of the world and others where I just wanted to lock myself in my room and exercise ‘til I fell asleep. A few girls have been interested but Honestly I’ve felt so distant to the world I can’t lead them on and try to give someone a chance knowing I really don’t want anything right now. I’ve systematically cut myself off from the world, on purpose mind you. I’m giving football one last hoorah so I’ve been losing weight trying to reach my goal of 205 which I don’t remember the last time I’ve weighed that much perhaps at birth -__-. Trying to find purpose still but in a way that I dont fulfill the fucking cliche of a college student “trying to find their place in the world”. There is one girl who gives me hope, though we just have friendly conversation waiting for class she reminds me that not all girls are the way I think they are now. She makes me laugh with her randomness and awkwardness that I find all too cute, it reminds me of what I fell in love with at one time. The feeling, Not the person. People always tell me that I have changed….. maybe the visible, not internally though. I will always be the same. My grades are alright, can’t really blame my girlfriend for not getting it done anymore so I kinda have to get on the ball in that area. I really do want to transfer but I feel that if I don’t get into where I want to go or football does not pan out at the end of the year I’m going. I dont know where but I am. Things here don’t seem like they are going to change so why not change everything around me. A new scene? perhaps. Frisco, where I was supposed be with my never was wife… Or Oregon, surrounded by nature and Crack heads? nahhh. I really have no clue on where exactly. Cut some of the fat away from my life, sad to say. friends had to go :/ I’ve been busy but I can’t make an excuse on why I don’t come around anymore… I’ve just been too tired of dealing with my own problems that I can’t really Handle anyone else’s that this point. I miss the aspect of love… Random thought. I’m a romantic at heart, I love writing poetry and doing sweet things I just want a girl that will give me an honest chance. I hate people with the name Dillon, sorry ‘bout it. random.
Quote of the Day
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
-Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Replace summer with _____. and Yes.
Im in love.
She is everything.
Jessica Lange… soo soo.. ughhh
I got trouble on my mind
oh man…. GPA is steady, I’m lazy ass fuck right now.. still got a 3.6. playing basketball almost everyday. listening to different types of music, learning how to play the drums, perfected the art of laundry. My contacts are coming in soon! muahaha. oh girls. Your ” I have the vagina I have the power” bullshit doesnt really work with me because yes you do have a vagina… but so do about another hundred million other girls and you do not take into account my ability to say GOOD fucking bye. For now not talking to anyone by choice. relaxed. not even stressed about a single thing… and it feels fucking great. Lonely? fuck yeahhh.. but its cool. I don’t have to judge how good my life is going by how many people I’m TALKING to. -___-
my sex drive is at zero…. dear god. I
never thought this would happen. on another note I’m at 240 again. sweet. I can see definition on my stomach 220 here I come. ohh… and I got contacts, no more worrying if people are looking at my scratches and fucked up Piece O’ shit glasses. muahaha